Complex Psychological Process of Physically Hearing

Complex Psychological Process of Physically Hearing

When you think of communicating, what words come to mind? Most likely the words speaki ng, talking, and writing jump out right away; but what about listening? One of the most negle cted interpersonal communication skills, and a core competency we must master, is listenin g. Listening is a complex psychological process of physically hearing, interpreting, and unde rstanding the significance of a sound (Hayes, 1991). If you do not listen during an interactio n, you cannot understand others, respond appropriately to what they say, or provide feedb ack. Parents and teachers teach children to speak, read, and write, but very few people have had formal lessons about listening.

This gap in education is particularly troubling because research shows that we engage in listening more than any other single form of communicat ion activity. One study estimated that 45% of all communication time is spent listening, co mpared with 30% speaking, 16% reading, and 9% writing (Hayes, 1991). Listening is also a n important aspect of the conversation process. Though most people think they are good listeners, studies show that the majority of people listen poorly and inefficiently (Lee & Hatesohl, 1993). Minimal training to build listening sk ills is one possible explanation, but another reason is that people think faster than they can speak. Humans have the mental capacity to hear and understand words spoken at 400 to 5 00 words per minute; however, most people speak at about 100 to 125 words per minute. While someone is speaking to you, you have a great deal of extra time to let your mind wan der and to think of things other than what the speaker is saying.

 

We sometimes confuse hearing with listening. Listening involves hearing, but it is more tha n just the physiological act of your ears perceiving a sound and transmitting the auditory sensation to your brain. As we learned earlier in this text, listening is essential to the process of creating meaning (encoding) and attempting to discern the meaning that other people gi ve to a message (decoding). Effective listening is important in all facets of interpersonal communication.

 

Learning how to be a more effective listener involves understanding a five- step process: receiving, attending, interpreting, responding, and remembering. We explain each stage below, using the example of trying to have a conversation with a family member from the other side of the political spectrum about a particular political candidate.

 

The first stage in the listening process is receiving, which involves hearing what your conversation partner is communicating. This can take place face-to- face or over mediated channels, such as via videoconferencing or on a mobile phone or land line. It thus involves the “technical” aspects of listening and can be hampered by communication barriers such as the types of noise we discussed in Chapter 1, including hearing impairment, bad cellular connections, or environmental distractions such as other people talking around you. To approach the political conversation with your family member, which your k now will be touchy, you might create an environment that is quiet and private to allow you both to receive the messages you will communicate to one another to the best of your abilities.

Attending is the second listening stage, and it means that you devote attention or conscious awareness to the messages you are decoding. In other words, focusing exclusively on the c onversation and not participating in any other activities (that is, not multitasking) is optim al for the listening process. In fact, individuals who multitask habitually have trouble listeni ng because they are unable to attend to the interaction (Carr, 2010). Nonverbal cues such a s making eye contact show that you are giving your conversation partner your full attentio n (Orick, 2002)— as does putting down your phone and not looking at any other screens during the conversa tion. So, when talking to your family member about your political beliefs, give them your ful l attention and show them you are doing so.

The third stage of listening is interpreting. In essence, you interpret what you have listened to when you understand what your conversation partner has communicated by linking this new information to your previous knowledge. You are making meaning in this listening sta ge. In this way, your own experiences and background become relevant to the interaction. Elements of the self and your cultural background will be influential as you interpret what s someone is saying. As you and your family member discuss your political differences, you wi ll likely try to understand their perspective better by considering where they come from cul turally and who they are as a person. How are they different from and similar to you? Are they older, younger, or do they live in a different region of the country? You hope they are ta king into account the same considerations. The fourth listening stage is responding, where both conversation partners communicate th at they are attending to and interpreting one another’s messages. This can occur in two pri mary ways. First, you can offer feedback, which is when you express attention and understa nding cues as you are listening. Feedback can be positive or negative, depending on how yo u feel about what you are hearing. Examples include nodding, saying “uh- huh,” or shaking your head no, turning away, or pulling out your phone. Second, you can res pond during a conversation by paraphrasing after your partner has finished speaking, or re stating what the other person has said in your own words, and then asking if you have capt ured their ideas correctly. In the family political conversation example, as you listen to why your family member believes what they do about a particular political candidate, you can of fer feedback by nodding or narrowing your eyes as you are thinking through what they are

 

saying. Then, you respond by paraphrasing what they said (“Can I make sure that I have un derstood what you have said correctly?”). Finally, the fifth listening stage, remembering, involves how accurately you are able to recal l the information you listened to after the conversation is over— the extent to which you can remember it. Listening effectiveness is frequently assessed by how well individuals can remember what they heard. Further, effective listeners are able to accurately convey information to a third party, showing that they actively listened to what the original speaker had communicated (Orick, 2002). Being able to accurately remember y our political conversation with your family member at a later date, especially the specifics o f what they said, shows them that you were an active, respectful, and eager participant in th at interaction. Your methods of meeting other people and engaging them in conversation are familiar to y ou; for this reason, such patterns may be hard to change, even if your behaviors are ineffect ive. Do you have difficulty walking up to strangers and talking with them? Do you think you come on too strong or are too talkative, or have you been told that you need to assert your self more? Do you feel you need to sharpen your conversational skills or want to feel more comfortable making small talk? Improving your conversational competency is not difficult; it simply requires that you learn and use the above methods of contacting other p eople— striking up conversations with them, establishing a rapport, and learning to listen effectivel y. (The IPC Research Applied feature addresses a specific communication challenge when o ne or both of the partners are in the military.)

 

IPC Research Applied

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