Use Nonviolent Communication To Resolve Conflicts
Nonviolent communication (NVC) is a communication model developed by psychologist Marshall Rosenberg. It is a powerful tool for resolving conflicts, fostering empathy, and building meaningful relationships. In this article, we will explore how you can use NVC to resolve conflicts.
What is Nonviolent Communication?
Nonviolent Communication is a communication model that is based on four key components:
- Observation: This is a description of the situation that is free of judgment, interpretation, or analysis. An observation is something that can be seen or heard.
- Feeling: This refers to the emotion or sensation that is generated by the observation. Feelings are personal and subjective.
- Need: This refers to the underlying desire or requirement that is driving the feeling. Needs are universal and shared by all human beings.
- Request: This is a specific, concrete, and actionable ask that is designed to meet the underlying need.
Using Nonviolent Communication to Resolve Conflicts
Step 1: Identify the observation
The first step in using NVC to resolve conflicts is to identify the observation. This involves describing the situation in a way that is free of judgment or analysis. For example, if you are having a conflict with your partner, you might say something like, “When you came home late last night, I noticed that you didn’t call to let me know.”
Step 2: Identify the feeling
The second step is to identify the feeling that is generated by the observation. This involves being honest and vulnerable about how the situation made you feel. For example, you might say something like, “I felt worried and anxious when you didn’t call to let me know that you were going to be late.”
Step 3: Identify the need
The third step is to identify the underlying need that is driving the feeling. This involves understanding your own needs and being able to articulate them clearly. For example, you might say something like, “I have a need for reliability and predictability in our relationship. When you don’t call to let me know that you’re going to be late, it makes me feel anxious and uncertain.”
Step 4: Make a request
The final step is to make a specific, concrete, and actionable request that is designed to meet the underlying need. This involves being clear about what you want and being open to negotiation and compromise. For example, you might say something like, “In the future, could you please call or text me if you’re going to be late? This would help me feel more secure and reassured.”
Tips for Using Nonviolent Communication
- Use “I” statements: When using NVC, it is important to use “I” statements rather than “you” statements. This helps to avoid blaming or shaming the other person and encourages them to be more receptive to your message.
- Listen actively: Nonviolent Communication is a two-way street. It is important to listen actively and empathetically to the other person’s perspective. This helps to build trust and understanding.
- Practice self-empathy: Before engaging in a conversation using NVC, it is important to practice self-empathy. This involves identifying your own feelings and needs and being able to express them clearly and compassionately.
- Stay focused on the present: When using NVC, it is important to stay focused on the present moment and avoid bringing up past grievances or issues.
- Use positive language: When making requests, it is important to use positive language that is focused on what you want rather than what you don’t want.